Players Dump Bucket of Urine on Coach After Season-Clinching Loss
By Jock | November 10, 2008
Category: Newswire (Fake News)
Members of the Philadelphia Eagles jubilantly dumped a bucket of steaming hot urine on the head of coach Andy Reid last night as the clock expired on yet another close loss, and likely the entire season.
“The guys, they got me pretty good,” Reid admitted afterward, still drenched at his post-game press conference. “I was in tunnel-vision mode there. I was 100% locked in on my play chart. I didn’t see it coming at all.”
“I had some asparagus for dinner last night, hoping and praying that moment would come,” said quarterback Donovan McNabb. “And Honey Smacks for breakfast.”
The players took turns kneeling behind the bench, all wanting to be a part of the ritual.
“You didn’t hear this from me,” whispered one player, a cornerback, “but there may have been a few floaters in that punch bowl too, if you know what I mean.”
The Eagles are now 1-10 in their last 11 games decided by a touchdown or less under coach Reid.
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Related News: For complete thoughts on the Eagles 36-31 loss to the Giants last night, please click here.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I hear you, Jock. I mean, I don’t like to be one of those guys who turns his back on a team when they look bad, but I can’t shake the excitement in my heart about that Phillies team. I pre-ordered the dvd at Blockbuster. I’m waiting for the SI package with my numbered, personalized, crappy plaque and maybe a three colored baseball with Phillies “P” on one side and World Series Champs on the other. I waited in line at Modell’s for 9 hours to buy a hat and t-shirt. My pockets are empty but my house is full of nic-nacs to keep that W fresh in mind. This whole year might belong to the Phils. Can’t wait for spring training.
November 11th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Hold up… don’t go diving overboard yet. I just heard some great inspirational words from Merrill Reese on 610 and he believes there’s still a chance this team can get hot and make some waves. I’m not saying theyre headed to the Super Bowl, but don’t go wringing out those urine soaked undeez… They just might be the spark that gets this team goin.
November 11th, 2008 at 10:01 am
I would just like to ask, what part of this team makes you say, “Oh boy, they’re good, they can dominate.” Because it definitely isn’t the inconsistent offense in Mcnabb and second rate receivers. Or the defense that can’t stop the run. Least of all the special teams. And the coaching sucks too. Where do you see them having any chance?
November 11th, 2008 at 10:38 am
I never said they can dominate. And I don’t think starting 2nd and 10 every series is the way to go. And I agree that the “Big 3″ (G Lou, Hank, and Jason Avant) are exactly that, 3 #3 receivers. And Andy did call a terrible game. And the D looks like it fell into a black hole called 2006. But still, the league is weak. The NFC is weak. Other than the Giants there aren’t any real threats out there. Anyone can beat us on any given week, but same is true for us. I think the Eagles have a shot, an outside shot, but a shot to still keep people watching with a little ember still burning, waiting to be blown on and worked into a full on blaze again. This is a football town, bleeding red from world series fever, but still green underneath. Not taking anything from the Phils, believe me, but everyone knows if the birds win the big one, you’ll see an even bigger party.
November 11th, 2008 at 11:30 am
I disagree with the common assumption that this is a football town. I think for a long while the Phillies were terrible (1985-2005, with the exception of ‘93) and the Eagles were very good (2000-2005), there was a shift. But I think there has always been a bigger fan base for baseball and now it’s only grown. It’s shifted back. An Eagles parade wouldn’t be as big.
November 11th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Beware of the shift. I am afraid of the new fans in the city and surrounding areas (ie. the hipsters who just started watching baseball two weeks ago for 3.5 innings). We’ve all seen what winning can do for a town like Boston- create the worst, most annoying, most hated fan base in the world. Hopefully, the fully-informed phanatical fans can outweigh the ban-wagon jumpin’ new wave of W.S. Champ fans.