Phils Win Pennant, Move on to World Series (*Special Edition WYR)
By Jock | October 16, 2008
Category: Sex and the Illy, Would You Rather?
**Post updated, 4:40 pm
(Photo, ESPN)
“Congratulations, Player X! You’ve just won Big Event Y! Tell the viewers out there: how does it feel?”
“Ummm,” [shaking head],”Phew. I can’t even describe it right now. Man. Wow. It’s indescribable. It’s like–I don’t know. It’s great. I’m speechless.”
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Just once I want a player to say: “I gotta tell you, Chris Myers, it feels like a really great blowjob. That’s exactly how it feels. In the three seconds between when I ran out of the dugout and now, when I have this microphone in my face, I’ve stopped to intellectualize it, and that’s how it feels.”
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I guess that’s kind of how I feel. No one showed up at my house and shoved a microphone in my face. But even if they had, I would’ve had the same stammering-yet-delirious response as the players. In the coming days I may try to put this in perspective, or I may not. But for now let me just say, Ken Rosenthal, that it feels fucking great. I have to tell you: I haven’t stopped smiling since the final out. I don’t know how long it’s going to last, but I’m going to enjoy this moment, squeeze every last drop of pleasure I can from it, wring it like a champagne-soaked rally towel, then get ready for the next one. Four more wins, Ken Rosenthal. Four more.
By the way, you’re a fucking midget.
[WYR after the jump]
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I’m officially declaring the WYR mailbox open again until the end of the World Series. The submission form is here.
I already got a few this morning, and here is the one I liked the best.
Jock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We’re headed to the World Series! I’m sitting at work right now with a brutal hangover and it’s totally worth it. Here’s my question: in a Big Game Situation, would you rather watch in a really crowded bar (such as McFaddens or Chickie and Pete’s) or in the peace and quiet of your own home, where you can hang on every pitch. One of the toughest decisions a fan has to make, I think. What’s your call?
Andy T., Valley Forge
Philly.com
The Phillies are in the World Series???? Hmmm. I hadn’t heard.
I noticed some screaming and breaking glass in the streets last night but I figured that was just people blowing off some steam after the final debate.
But since the Phillies are in the World Series (I’ll take your word for it), then you’re right, you have an important decision to make.
Rule #1: Stick with what got you there.
-Sit in the same seat.
-Eat the same food.
-Drink beer with your left hand in the odd innings.
-Watch with the same friends.
-Wear the same shirt.
-If you’ve been jerking off on gameday, keep doing so.
-If you habitually punch your pregnant girlfriend on gamedays, get that bitch a football helmet.
Whatever. This is too important to mess around with.
As already noted in the comments, I switched up my routine for Game 5 vs. the Dodgers, and I feel like I got away with one.
I mentioned this to non-sports fan this morning (grad schools are infested with them), and he thought it was dumbest, most illogical thing he’d ever heard. “What, like you’re in control of the game? Sitting on your couch three thousand miles away?”
“Yes.”
“And you really think it matters?”
“Yes.”
“Like the butterfly effect.”
“Sort of.”
“And so, by that logic, the fact that no Philadelphia team has won a championship in twenty five years…that’s entirely your fault?”
“Fuck you.”
Sports wouldn’t be any fun if they were logical.
Rule #2: If you do watch it at a bar…
a) Make sure it’s a place where they have the game audio blasting. Nothing worse than watching a game on mute, or with some douchey Finger 11 song playing in the background. As much as you hate Joe Buck, you need him in your life right now.
b) Even more importantly, don’t get too drunk. Let me revise that. If you’re a casual fan, watch a few games here and there…go ahead and get ripped.
But if you’re a real fan, and you’ve been waiting for this moment for well over a decade, you need to pace yourself. I remember watching the Eagles NFC championship win over the Falcons in a bar, and it was a “great time”…but all I really recall now is jumping around and high-fiving people. The best experiences as a fan are always when you’re actively engaged, agonizing over the decisions, thinking ahead—not merely reacting. So I’d urge you to scale it back. Have five beers instead of ten. And then drink 300 when they win.
The final verdict for this one is in your hands. The only other thing I’d suggest is if the Phillies should ever be in a position to clinch the W.S.—Lord help us—try to get as close to the city as you can. The party is going to go on all night, and the city might not be there the next day.
That’s one hangover I’m really looking forward to.
October 16th, 2008 at 11:58 am
how come no girls ever comment?
for my part, i watched the game from a bar and it was absolutely insane. the best. when the last out was made people were jumping around and spraying beer and shots were flowing all night. im going to do the same thing for the world series. let’s enjoy the ride!
go phillies!!!!
October 16th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
It’s funny you should ask this question, Jock. I was watching the game at a house last night… the same house you told me earlier in the night you would be enjoying the game at. But you never showed… and let me tell you something: it was not the atmosphere I expected from a NLCS, Phils are going to the World Series, game. The room was quiet. People were laying under blankets. Yawns echoed the room. And I blame you, Jock. You could have brought the noise, but instead I watched the game in silence… I just hope you weren’t flipping back and forth between the game and the debate…even I didn’t watch the debate last night…
October 17th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
You’re welcome philadelphia. it was my master plan all along! little did you know i am the still the one holding all the strings in philadelphia.