The Return of Friday Football Picks!!!!
By Murph | September 5, 2008
Category: National/Int'l News
Hello, football fans, and welcome to this year’s Phillyjock Football Friday Festival for Football Fans and Fanatical Fucking Philadelphians. For short, we’ll call it Phillyjock Football Fridays. I will be bringing you weekly picks for the NFL match-ups, complete with the point-spread that my bookie has placed on the game. Myself (and Jock) will be putting our two cents in for the readers and betting the two cents in the Phillyjock piggy-bank every week on our number one “lock”. Also, as an added bonus, we will be bringing you the 48 hour Pourcast for Philadelphia and the Delaware Valley for the weekend. No typos here, I said Pourcast- an outlook on the alcohol consumption for the weekend and what is most likely being consumed throughout the region. Kinda like Hurricane Shwartz, except more like a Hurricane 40oz. After an extensive search, we are proud to introduce you to our new special correspondent for the Pourcast, Carlos Boozer:
Carlos is re-locating and will begin next week. Meantime, let’s get to the Week 1 picks.
Tampa Bay +3.5 at New Orleans
As long as they’ve been able to focus during the potential repeat of hurricane disaster over the past week, I have to take New Orleans. The additions of Jonathan Vilma to the D and Jeremy Shockey to the O have to show some dividends here… and Deuce McCallister can break his entire season total for rushing yards (92) against the peuter-pants. Also keep your eyes on Matt Bryant, kicker from the Bucs, who went just over 50% during pre-season. Hope Gruden still has Martin Grammatica on speed dial.
NY Jets -2.5 at Miami
Unless they are playing at an arena football field where Chad Pennington can throw 10 yard outs and 15 yard Hail Marys, Brett Favre and Chad’s old squad are gonna pick apart a team that got rid of its best defensive player last year. It’s not gonna be pretty, and there will be more turnovers than touchdowns, but Brett will have all of the Jets faithful thinking playoffs after week 1. We’ll see what happens after week 10.
Cincy -1.5 at Baltimore
Baltimore will have 2 quarterback deaths on the field this year. Sorry Joe Flacco. Congrats Kyle Boller- you will still have a job when you get of the IR. Chris Henry blows up in this game- after swallowing explosives to avoid arrest.
Detroit -3.5 at Atlanta
Tatum Bell was cut from the Lions and then stole Rudi Johnson’s luggage last week during a visit to the team. Then the Lions signed Johnson. Rudi should be real fired up for this one and I don’t think Matt Ryan will be ready for game number 1 in the regular season. Too much pressure and not enough talent for the Falcons.
St. Louis + 7.5 at Philadelphia
As long as the Birds’ D isn’t the swiss cheese against the run from years past, the Eagles offense should put up big numbers and run away with this one against a soft rams D. Just hope there’s no repeats of the 2001 home opener- Cecil Martin had 2 receiving touchdowns, Donovan was our leading rusher and threw for 300+yds, Todd Stinkston had 99yds receiving, but Jeff Wilkins kicked a late field goal that dropped us 24-21. No repeats here- I got the Birds winning 35-10.
***Going against family rules to bet on the birds, ever, and makin’ this the Week 1 lock.
Seattle -.5 at Buffalo
While the weather is still warm in upstate, Matt Hasselback will have to find some new targets in his wide receiver group (Engram and Branch out with injuries). Still, they are playing Buffalo who have Trent Edwards at QB, a guy still holding out on the offensive line, and no defense. Seattle’s D will have to put this one away, but they got the guys to do it.
Jax -2.5 at Tennessee
With the shooting of Jacksonville OT Richard Collier, it’s officially getting more dangerous to be an NFL player off the field than it is on it. Will this shake up the Jags, a team getting Super Bowl hype? I don’t know. Will Jack del Rio be wearing his leather jacket in 95 degree Nashville heat? I don’t know. But I still like them over the Titties.
KC + 16.5 at NE
New England has looked abysmal all preseason…Tom Brady’s health is questionable…they’re saddled with the Lose in the Super Bowl Curse…they signed a guy named Deltha this week to play cornerback…the fans will be more interested in the Red Sox score…
And I like the Pats to cover.
Kansas City has 15 rookies on its opening day roster…15!
Houston +6.5 at Pitt
Are you ready for the Ahman Green era in Houston?
Good luck running though the Steeler’s new DT this weekend, buddy.
Carolina+9.5 at SD
LT all day. all season.
Dallas -5.5 at Cleveland
Something to watch, from the Sports Guy:
“Only one things worries me: Tony Romo spent a lot of time with Jessica Simpson these past eight months. Remember how dumb she was on ‘Newlyweds’? I mean, she was historically dumb. I have written before about how unfunny people can learn to become relatively funny just by constantly hanging out with one funny person. Well, when you spend every waking moment with someone who’s historically dumb, do you stop using all of your brain as much? How much of your cerebrum would you need? Twenty percent? Couldn’t you shut the rest down? What if that happened to Romo this spring and summer? I am keeping my eye on this.”
Arizona -2.5 at San Fran
Be sure to tune into this game to see Alex Smith and Matt Leinart…standing around on the sidelines. The top draft picks/franchise savors will be watching 937-year-old Kurt Warner and some guy called J.T. O’Sullivan duke it out.
Now here’s a little game called Guess How Many Rushing Yards Edgerrin James Had Last Season:
a) Below 500
b) 682
c) 894
d) Above 1200
The answer, amazingly, is D. He had 1222 yards, two bills more than Joseph Addai’s total. Crazy.
Chicago +9.5 at Indy
Indy is banged up, but I’m not betting on Kyle Orton on the road, ever.
Minny +2.5 at Green Bay
Adrian Peterson may be playing quarterback by the mid-point of the season.
Denver -2.5 at Oakland
Jay Cutler was diagnosed with Diabetes in the off-season and the Broncs are hoping he’ll “make the leap” after a respectable debut. I like him in the opener, but something crazy always happens in these opening Monday Night games.
Season: 0-0
September 9th, 2008 at 8:15 am
You guys suck.. 5 for 15 on your opening day. I am never betting with you again. You cost me my second born child and $35 worth of KY. Thanks.
September 9th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Eat shit jerkbird. The Eagles were the lock of the week. You should focus on the guarenteed money and not listen to someone who says the Browns are gonna cover against the Cowboys- it was strictly wishful thinking.
PS- Everyone who is legitimately enthused about Tom Brady’s injury, please stand now.
Now sit back down and post a comment about how you celebrated. Personally, I called every Pats fan I know and asked how Week 1 went because I didn’t see it. Priceless responses.
September 9th, 2008 at 10:52 am
No, JerkOff you suck. “Balls to You” it says on the top of the website you used to pick your bets. Smart! As for Tom Brady, I laugh every time I think about it. Priceless indeed.
September 9th, 2008 at 10:57 am
no way carlos boozer could’ve seen the 7-shot storm of jager moving up the east coast, drenching me in urine at about 1 am sunday morning.
does he have a radar?
September 9th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
All i got to say is its a lock this week take the J-E-T-S. And for you murph, all i gotta say is like 70 some odd seconds on that keg buddy, you beat it yet?
September 10th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Just cause you can perch on the keg for that long doesn’t make you a gargoyle. You actually have to be drinking the whole time and flapping. Your “record” is under scrutiny.