The Return of WOULD YOU RATHER WEDNESDAY!
By Jock | June 25, 2008
Category: Would You Rather?
*Sorry for the late post I was in New York all day
Yo! So it’s been a while but Would You Rather Wednesday is officially back! Thanks to everyone who’s been submitting their questions, I’ll get to them, don’t get all bent out of shape.
Hope everyone is enjoying the new bloggish format. It’s been almost a year since PhillyJock came into the world as a 0lb 0oz. internet publication, and I have to say, blogging has been a cool experience for me. My primary interest/background is fiction writing, a form that often undergoes dozens of revisions (for major projects) before it ever sees the light of day. A blog is more like one long first draft that changes all the time (for everyone to see) and never, ever ends. The spontaneity of it has been fun. If you find yourself coming back for more I invite you to demand you comment—we’re here to provide a different way of looking at the same old news; I’d like to hear what you think, too.
Anyway, for those of you who’ve been with us from the beginning: you know how this works. For those who are first-timers (“we got a first-timer here!”): you can submit your question at the bottom of this post or by clicking on the Would You Rather tab. The only rule is that somewhere in your question must be the words would you rather.
Drum roll please…
#3
What’s up Jock, can we rock?! I am going to throw this out there for you…would you rather have your mom, grandma, all your aunts, and your girlfriend compete in Delilah’s Ms. Diamond G-String 2008 competition or get a tattoo with flashing lights on your upper lip of the phrase “Insert Cock Here” with an arrow pointing down to your mouth?
TJ, Ridley Park
Is this a real contest? I googled it and came up empty, but am willing to defer because people in Ridley know more about strip clubs than Ray Didinger knows about football.
Let’s talk about tattoos. I don’t have any, but I’m not opposed to them. In fact, I kind of dig them on chicks. And I think everyone can agree that there’s nothing funnier than a ‘roided-up meathead with a really lame tattoo. For instance, this is kind of funny, but why the fuck would you want it on your body for the rest of your life?
http://cdn.davesdaily.com/pictures/525-armpit-tattoo.jpg
I’m tempted to say Strippers because at least that’s not permanent, but the more I think about it, the psychological damage from that would remain long after the ink faded (plus I’d just have it removed with the new technology).
Verdict: Tattoo.
(If nothing else, I now have “insert cock here” in my google search history. Thanks.)
****UPDATE**** TJ has followed up with a link to the contest and this picture. I expect Ridley to be a ghost town on July 23rd.
#2
The summer sports lull punched me right in the back of the bean-bag last night when I found myself watching a replay of a Soccer game between Liverpool and Leeds United…. from 1992. There was really nothing else on, but I did get to see a hat-trick in a soccer game, so it wasn’t a complete loss. Anyway, I started looking ahead to Phillies games that will start before 11pm and noticed an interesting game looming at the end of the week. Our true ace, Cole’s next start will be against none other than Adam Eaton’s predecessor- Vincente Padilla. Got me thinkin in a nostalgia-type mood… So, would you rather have Padilla back in your rotation (he is 10-3 this year), but at the same time you have to take back Geoff Geary, Rheal Cormier, and Jose Mesa… or keep Eaton, Myers, and Grandpa Moyer but lose Cole for the rest of the campaign? I know this is a loss/loss situation, but as Falese has pointed out.. we are a city obsessed with defeat. -Tommy Chestnut, Northeast
They’re baaaaaaaaack.
Great question, Tommy. I’m going to throw this one over to our new baseball writer, Hairy Callous. Look for more from him in the new future, including The Charlie Manual, your key to deciphering post game press conferences.
HC:
As the Sillies are in the midst of a 10:30pm series on the west coast, many of us will only catch the first few innings and go to bed with that small knot in our stomachs (that feeling that no matter what the score is, they could blow any lead at any time and go back to the gut-wrenching squad of the past decade). Case and point, last night, Gramps is up there throwing a gem for a few innings.. as midnight EST rolled around Moyer’s alzheimers starts kicking in and he starts losing focus. The bats are not supporting the arms very well for the Phils, who have dropped their last six and are making great poster-boys for AL dominance in interleague play.
Anyway, back to the question. Granted, the Phils did dump Padilla (pronounced Pud-ill-ah by those that hate him most) along with Ed Wade before the guy was due to make big bucks (he’s gettin over $10 mil/year in Texas); but Padilla’s career in Philly wasn’t overly horrible- 49W-54L… ERA well over 4.00… 79 homeruns given up. Overall, he wasn’t the worst… even made the 2003 mid-summer classic. However, there was noone who made me less confident than that stupid duck-looking Padilla.. except for maybe Rheal Cormier and Jose Mesa. The mention of those two names made the milk from my mornin’ Frosty Flakes curdle in my stomach. Regardless of how confident you were after the first 6 innings of a game, as soon as one of those two made the jog from the pen, all hope was lost.
Fastforward a few years and Eaton-fever has swept through the city like syphillus… Backed up against Pat the Bat’s horrifying slump that lasted three seasons and had the guy trying everything down to bleaching his hair to get out of it, Eaton has been the quintessential loser on the starting rotation- guaranteed to give up three runs in the first three innings and to implode after 6 and two thirds. Moyer hurls like a wiffle-ball pitcher every 5 games, like a true senior citizen- 10 mph below average. Prodigy fan, Brett Myers, was supposed to be a highlight on this roster, but moving from the rotation to the bullpen and back again has him blowing his load in the first few innings and not having anything left in the tank for the late, important ones. The rest of this rotation/bullpen is shaky, with the exception of Lidge and JC, no-one can really be leaned on for quality innings.
Still, the pain and anguish caused by Duck-fuck Pud-ill-ah, Real Gay Cormier, and Jose not so Mesa Fresh was enough for me to take the injury to Cole and stick it out with what we got now. Maybe Penurious Inc will take the plunge and pay CC Sabathia $15 million, but look out if they do… He could turn into the next Freddy Garcia.
QUESTION OF THE WEEK
I know I am probably going to hell for saying this, but I think it is time.
Would you rather listen to Harry the K struggle through nine innings slowly getting a hernia while he breaks his back carrying those other “no talant ass-clowns” (you-know…Wheels, Mathews, and the bald dude who interviews all those people in the crowd to remind me how great my life really is…)
or
Listen to the adult-targeted radio broadcast as conservative-minded Anderson gets his ass ridden by Franzke, who may just be the next great baseball announcer in this town since….Harry Kalas?
The Quiet Majority, Wilmington, DE
I knew it wouldn’t be long before we got our first question about the Phillies broadcast team. I’ll have a lot more to say on this as the summer goes on, and we’re spending hours upon hours with these guys every day in our cars and living rooms, but for now let me vote for the radio broadcast just because I get less of Wheels, and I agree that Franzke is competent bordering on good, especially in that booth.
Sidenote: I spent a while trying to come up with someone to compare Harry Kalas to…and it was really really hard. In the end I settled on Joe Paterno. I think it works on many levels. Aging icon, hanging on for one last title, occasionally incoherent, beloved by the fan base, ect.. Anyone top that?
I think he should just start calling Sarge Whitey and see what happens.
Bonus: Speaking of Phillies broadcasters, it’s time for a new feature here on PhillyJock!
Where in the World is Tom McCarthy????????
As anyone who watches Phillies telecasts knows, you never know where they’re going to have Tom McCarthy reporting from next. The roof, the 4th deck toilets (“sounds like someone’s taking a dump in here, guys”), City Hall, wherever.
This week Tom’s reporting live from The Sudan, where he wants us to know that Pat Burrell’s favorite candy is gummy worms.
Thanks, Tom. That wasn’t awkward at all.
That’s all for this week. Get those questions in and we’ll see you next Weds.!
June 25th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Thank God someone brought up McCarthy. His updates are so random and pointless that it’s as if he’s one of the main broadcasters little brother. Having him tag along and letting him think he actually provides anything to the broadcasts.
Yes, Tom, I would love for you to tell me how the drainage system in the outfield of McAfee Coliseum works.
June 26th, 2008 at 8:59 am
I’m with ya, Soss. His “field reports” became a running joke almost immediately. I can’t believe there’s not someone on the production team that doesn’t recognize the excruciating awkwardness…easily 99% of fans could tell you that immediately. When I was doing the radio every week, there were times when I’d get off and say “man, that was really fucking stupid” or “cool, that went well.” He must think about throwing himself down the steps after every report.