Rocky, Time to go? or Timeless Classic?
By falese | June 9, 2008
Category: Overrated/Underrated
As many of our readers know, I being based on the west coast, have a unique perspective when it comes to my beloved home town and personal Mecca of sport Philadelphia. I hate the phanatic, I’m not a big fan of Whiz, (provolone, cmon), I think Eaton is better than Myers, and I have a certain disdain for Rocky Balboa.
ROCKY BALBOA!!! GASP!!! You can’t disdain Rocky! He is PHILLY! I know, I know. I’ve heard it all before. You can’t be from Philly and hate Rocky. It’s unnatural. We protect his statue from loser fans (I’m looking at you Muck), We all get goosebumps when the Horns go blaring and its time to fight or go home. I do too. But there is just something about this idolatry that rubs me the wrong way.
.
I’ll tell you what it is. ROCKY LOSES! He is a LOSER. He gives it his every ounce of effort (which is certainly admirable and a quality we love in Philly.) but he still loses. Now realize that I’m talking only about Rocky, not Rocky II, not Rocky III, not Rocky IV, and not Rocky Part 208, when he fights a robot on the moon. I’m talking about the best Picture of 1976.
In 1976’s Rocky, Philly was given a hero to stand in for all our fathers who played in the minors, but never quite got to the bigs. He was the guy we know, he was Vince Papale. BUT HE NEVER WON! He went fifteen rounds and lost by decision. All the subsequent sequels are all fantasy. Rocky doesn’t beat Apollo, just like Donovan doesn’t give up another Ronde Barber touchdown in the last game at the vet. Rocky doesn’t beat Mr T, because Mitch Williams will never get that ugly slider down and away from Joe Carter. Rocky certainly doesn’t beat Ivan Drago, for the same reason the Legion of Doom was demolished by the stinking commy red army in 97, (steroids and communism). The sequels are total fantasy. Rocky is a fictional character. I get it. But 1976’s Rocky was as true depiction of the spirit of Philadelphia thats ever been portrayed. It may as well have been a true story. Rocky, written by Sylvester Stallone (I bet you didn’t know that one) was genius and continues to be amazing to this day. Stallone supposedly based it off of Wepner/Ali in 1975. That Rocky is the TRUE embodiment of this city. The Rocky of the sequels sees him driving fancy cars, having robot butlers and winning championships, and lets not forget fighting Tommy Morrison in front of a SEPTA bus. A freaking SEPTA bus. C’mon Rocky isn’t that guy. He isn’t the guy who wins it all and gets a statue. He is the guy that gives it all but never gets the parade. But that doesn’t make him any less worthy of our adoration. That’s how it is.
But that’s not how it should always be.
We have to give up the ghost on Rocky. We need to remember him for what he was, a loser, and embrace that. We need to forget about Rocky Statues, and Rocky fighting video game characters, and Rocky opening stadiums. We haven’t seen a title since Sly’s prop for Rocky III was installed in front of the Spectrum. Forget the curse of billy penn and his stupid view, its that damn Rocky statue thats bringing a black cloud over our teams. The statue represents a false vision of Rocky. Its FANTASY. ROCKY LOSES! Get comfortable with that Philadelphia because for 100 seasons of our major sports teams we have been losers too. 1976’s Rocky Balboa with his 0-1 record in title fights is our idol. Rocky Balboa crushing the red army and demolishing Mr. T is purely the stuff of Hollywood. Tear down that statue, tune up those horns, put on that gray hoodie. Its time to embrace the real Rocky. The loser Rocky. Rocky will always be a loser to me, and I’m totally cool with that.
June 9th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
NOW you’ve gone too far Falese! Thats why we call you old man falese, b/c your bitter about everything. C’mon who hates on Rocky. You must be from Cali.
June 9th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
WOW marine on a blog?? this truly is a momentous occasion. i remember hooking your computer up, and now you’re ripping my story! you’ve come along way mon-frere.
now, i’m not ripping Rocky, I love Rocky. I just think that worshipping the hollywood version of Rocky of the sequels doesn’t deserve the time of day.
and that statue is cursed.