Archives: The 2008 All Trophy Wife Team
By Jock | June 20, 2008
Category: Joquettes
Athletics at the highest and lowest levels are very similar: whether it’s a bunch of 8-year-olds in a soccer game, or 25 world class athletes on a baseball field, when it comes down to it, win or lose, everybody gets a trophy.
We all know a trophy wife when we see one. Fake boobs, convertibles, and the smell of peroxide are standard giveaways. As defined by American Heritage, a trophy wife is “ an attractive, young wife married to a usually older, affluent man.” But in modern professional sports, affluence comes with youth, so the rules have to be adjusted.
The standards of Wife Trophyism continue to rise. This year was the most difficult selection process ever. The key factors, as always, were a) sheer hotness, b) having your picture all over the internet, and c) degree of husband’s unworthiness. Sorry, Girl Next Door, you’re going to need a boob job and some whippets to knock down that IQ if you want to make this list next year.
Congratulations to all the husbands of the 2008 Phillyjock All-Trophy Wife Team.
All Trophy-Wife Honorable Mention
Stephanie Slemer
Husband: Mark McGuire
Janet Jones
Husband: Wayne Gretzky
Natasha Gurov
Husband: Alexander Ovechkin
All Trophy Wife Third Team
#15 Masha Kirilenko
They were stuck like this for over 3 years
Husband: Andre Kirilenko
Comment: Former Russian pop star, not really all that hot, but, interestingly, she grants him “woman allowance.” He’s allowed one NBA groupie per year.
“What’s forbidden is always desirable,” she said. “And athletes, particularly men, are susceptible to all the things they are offered. It’s the same way raising children - If I tell my child, ‘No pizza, no pizza, no pizza,’ what does he want more than anything? Pizza. So this is the arrangement that Andrei and I have,” she said, adding, in the spirit of openness, that she does not have a reciprocal agreement with her husband. “If I know about it, it’s not cheating.”
Normally, women who don’t reciprocate score poorly, but in this case, we’ve made an exception.
#14 Jamie Kotsay
Husband: Mark Kotsay
#13 Heather Kozar
Husband: Tim Couch
Comment: Former Price is Right model and 1999 Playboy Playmate of the Year…the same year Couch was selected #1 overall ahead of Donovan McNabb. Good choice.
#12 Elin Nordegren
Husband: Eldrick Woods
Comment: By now, everyone knows the story of how she went from being Jesper Parnevik’s nanny to Mrs. Tiger Woods. Elin would be higher except for the Tiger’s incredible success and bank account.
#11 Jennifer Walcott
Husband: Adam Archuleta
Comment: For all you who just watched that at work, good luck standing up for another 15/20 minutes.
All Trophy Wife 2nd Team
#10 Marilyn Monroe
Husband: Joe DiMaggio
Comment: Long before Monica Lewinsky, this trophy spent some time in Oval Office.
#9 Adriana Karembeau
Husband: Christian Karembeau
Comment: Right about now you’re asking yourself…who the hell is Christian Karambeau. Well, that’s the point.
Still no clue? He’s a retired French soccer player. Interesting fact: “he gained notoriety for not singing the French national anthem on the field, since two of his uncles had been exhibited in a human zoo during the Paris Colonial Exposition of 1931.” (wikipedia)
His wife is hot.
#8 Lisa Dergen
Husband: Scott Posednik
Comment: This 5/8″ beauty is a reporter for Fox Sports Net. Surprise, surprise, she’s also posed for Playboy.
#7 Ingrid Vandebosch
Husband: Jeff Gordon
Comment: This trophy wife comes standard with airbags.
#6 Teresa Lourenco
Husband: Richard Jefferson
Comment: Jason Kidd traded after being called for one too many palming violation.
All Trophy Wife 1st Team
#5 Anna Benson
Husband: Kris Benson
Comment: Anna gets points for the local connection. As stated previously, must’ve been REALLY awkward for the kid who sat on Santa’s lap after this one.
#4 Aleka Kamila
This Greek beauty…
is married to this douche bag:
Cool watch, Peja.
#3 Eva Longoria
Husband: Tony Parker
Comment: Never before have so many trophies gone to France.
#2 Veronica Varekova
Husband: Petr Nedved
Comment: For those interested, this Czech supermodel/trophy is back on the market.
#1 Carmella DeCesare
Husband: Jeff Garcia
Comment: Yet another Playboy centerfold….
Congratulations to all the husbands of the 2008 All Trophy Wife Team.
Who is your favorite? Who have we excluded? Your comments welcome.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:00 am
I sersiously think that Adam Archuleta’s wife needs to be moved up to the top 3. She is amazing, I would want her to spit in my mouth and call me a racial slurs.
I guess being a second rate safety in the NFL does have it’s benefits. Or even being a homosexual QB has it’s perks.
You know Garcia can’t hit that right son!
September 25th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
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