Young Eagles Fan Still Not Sure What a Camel Toe Is
By Jock | April 25, 2008
Category: Newswire (Fake News)
Little Bobby Machalik was excited to make his first trip to Eagles training camp. He had his favorite player’s jersey on and was ready for some autographs. But his day was quickly ruined when his step-father, Ron, an amateur meteorologist, predicted “clear skies with a chance of camel toe” after observing the team’s cheerleaders stretching on the sidelines.
“It made me so worried,” confessed the young fan, 8. “We had just been watching David Akers kick field goals, so I was worried he had some kind of infection in his foot. Like turf toe—is that the same thing?”
The root of his confusion, Bobby said, was “why the nice ladies in their underwear” were on the field in the first place.
“We went there to watch football, right?” he told his best friend, Toby. “So what was everybody looking at them for? I mean, God, they weren’t even wearing helmets, though some were wearing knee pads. Oh, and when we went to the tent, there they were again, in a calendar. I just don’t get it—I mean, are they on the team or what? ‘Cuz it seems like they were just out there jumping around like someone lit them on fire. Sports are confusing.”
Things got even worse for Bobby when he went home that night and found that his older sister had injured her foot at soccer practice. Concerned, he asked her if she was suffering from Camel Toe. She responded by punching him in the ear and knocking him down the steps.
“It was the worst day of my life,” he told Toby.
Little Bobby still isn’t sure what a Camel Toe is, but ever since that day at training camp he checks his feet every night, just to make sure he doesn’t get one. “This little piggy went to market,” he reminds himself, “and this one went to town. But I wonder: where did the piggy with camel toe go?”
“You don’t want to know,” says his mother, and turns out the light.