Is it Time for the Phillies to Get Rid of the Phanatic?
By Jock | April 26, 2008
Category: Overrated/Underrated
Is the Phanatic an indispensable icon, or just a green, furry jerk?
Green, Furry Jerk
by Sean Falese
You’re sitting in the bleachers. It’s a beautiful June Sunday. The hometown boys are up big after another offensive onslaught. You take a big bite of a Bull-brat loaded with peppers and onions and follow it up with a big draw on your tasty craft pale ale.
SMASH!!
Your head goes flying, the beer soaks the old dude in front of you. It’s a total loss. Your $6.75 beer is now officially-licensed Phillies apparel. What happened? The narrow aisles at the Bandbox make for tight squeezes, and accidents do happen. But this was no accident. You turn your head. The crowd is clapping and laughing. A big green pelvis is thrusting in your face. The mascot has struck again. That green, furry jerk.
Mascot: (n) animal, person or object meant to bring luck or represent a group.
Phillie Phanatic: (n) tired, annoying symbol of the dreadful Phillies teams of seasons long past.
Before all the Phanatic FANATICS (that’s fanatics with an F) scream bloody murder ask the following question: what does the Phillie Phanatic actually represent?
He represents everything loathsome about the Phillies organization.
Created by the same brain trust that gave us the Phillies glory years of 1984-1992 and 1994-2003 (Giles & co), the Phanatic was invented to draw more families into the glorious drunk tank that was the Vet. They gave us the plague of Wheelsie and the glorious player additions of Omar Daal, Ugueth Urbina, David Bell—oh, and don’t forget that “small market mindset” with its self-imposed salary cap. They thought that the Phillies fans might need some other reason to come to the games besides the team. Could this be due to the majority of the teams sent out on that field?
I read an interesting anecdote about the creation of the Phanatic. Apparently Penurious Inc. hired a Madison Ave. marketing firm to design and create the Phanatic and his costume. The cost came out to be around $3000, but for an additional 2 grand they could have secured the licensing rights. You know all the schwag they sell with the Phanatic’s stupid mug on it? Owning the rights to all that would have only cost $5000. Well it turns out that the Phillies realized that this was a big mistake and had to buy the rights 10 years later for 250k. Hmm that sounds really familiar… The Phillies were too cheap and it bit them in the ass. Where have I seen that before?
Well anyways they created this creature, gave him an ATV to ride around on, and outfitted him in a full uniform minus pants. I find it very creepy that this thing gets to ride around thrusting his pelvis on the heads of the fans and it’s not wearing pants. He has a shirt, a hat, shoes and stirrups BUT NO PANTS?? The Phanatic is basically rubbing his junk right on your head. Isn’t that basically what Penurious Inc. has been doing to the fans of this city for the better part of 25 years?
I will play devil’s advocate for a minute. I realize that the Phanatic is a big thing for many children. Heck I even remember the Phanatic parachuting into my school or something when I was 10. It was great. But now the team has a chance for greatness. They have one of the most talented infields in their history. They have two young starting pitchers that are very talented as well. With a few key additions (i.e –a stronger bullpen) they could be legit pennant contenders for years to come. But we know that when Big 6’s contract is up he will bolt the first chance he can get. The same will happen with Hamels. But that’s quite o.k. we will always have the Phanatic and Penurious Inc. will still rake in the dough. In the end championships are only important to the people that pay the salaries of the entire organization—the fans.
Its time to say goodbye to the Phanatic as the representative of the team. Its time to let the team represent itself. Its time for the organization to get behind the young talent on the field, give them security, give them support. Its time to let the mascot of the team to be the true FANATICS-the championship-starved sports fans of this great city.
Indispensable Icon
by Jock Trotter
You’re sitting in the bleachers. It’s a scorching August Sunday. The hometown boys are down big after another 8-run first inning surrendered by Adam Eaton. It’s getting hotter by the minute—95, 96, 97 degrees. You lean down to take a bite of your $8 ice-cream only to notice it’s melted all over your hand. Not even your complimentary Modell’s spatula can dislodge your junk from your inner-thigh. 747 jets circle above Citizen’s Bank Park like iron vultures.
SAKE-BOMB!
You see him, and your spirits are lifted. There’s the Phillie Phanatic stomping on the first base dugout! He’s swinging his massive gut around, conjuring spells with his fingers, pumping life back into the crowd. You can’t help but smile.
In baseball there are two fabled Green Monsters. The first is a 37-foot wall in Boston; the second is a 6′4” 350 lb. ogre who’s been making kids and adults laugh for decades, long before Shrek crawled out of the swamp and went to Hollywood.
You must feel tough picking on a creature who can’t say anything to defend himself. Well, as a matter of civic duty, I have no choice but to be the voice of the “green, furry jerk” and put you in your place.
First of all, to hold the Phanatic’s family history against him is unfair—who can blame a person for having rotten parents? Yes, he was born on Madison Avenue, the epicenter of greed, probably sketched on the back of a $100 bill…but from the moment he parachuted into our lives he has defied his blue-blood pedigree. He’s become a character that the hard-working Philly sports fan can relate to and love.
Has he been commercialized over the years? Sure. Ultimately, he’s still an instrument of profit for the Already-Filthy-Rich Phillies ownership group. (Note: I love the reference to them as Penurious Inc.) Anyway, arrive at Citizen’s Bank Park, on his “birthday”, perhaps, and for $75 you can “build” your own Phanatic. His face adorns t-shirts, hats, baby bibs, socks, golf club covers, and bedsheets. It’s sad, but this is the way of the world. Have you seen the other Green Monster lately? It used to be pock-marked by baseballs. Now it’s covered in million dollar insurance ads.
But, in this case, the good outweighs the bad. I like to think of the Phanatic as the defiant son of his rich, elitist, snobby, BMW-driving parents. There have been so many memorable moments in his history. Remember the season he picked a fight with Tommy LaSorda? Do you remember him out there running over Weight Watcher’s cans in front of the vistor’s dugout? It got so bad that LaSorda came out one game and clocked him. Have you forgotten the time he zip-lined from the center field bleachers to second base? All the times he dressed up as Rocky and delivered a knock-out blow? How many umpires has he seduced over the years? How many times has he streaked across the outfield? These are just a few examples that go beyond what he does every game: mingles with the fans and taunts with the opposing team.
I agree w ith one of your main points: the primary focus should be on the players. But the Phanatic isn’t meant to be the primary focus: he’s a sideshow, between innings, in the lulls between pitches. He fills in the dead space of a baseball game. When I go down to the ballpark, I’m locked into the nuances of the game: should Myers throw this guy a first-pitch fastball, or a curve?Did the baserunner go first to third on that single to right? Should Manuel have made a double-switch? That’s what makes baseball such a great game, and what makes Philadelphia baseball fans some of the best in the nation. But when that tension ebbs, as it does so often in a 3.5 hour baseball game, I like to look over at the Phanatic and laugh. As much as eating a 4 th inning Schmitter, he’s a part of the experience.
What makes the Phanatic so lovable, while other Marketing creations like Swoop and Hip-Hop are so unbearable? As I suggested earlier, it’s because of his blue-collar atty-tood. For one, just look at him. He has a beer gut. He doesn’t wear pants. He’s a deadbeat dad. But there are other things—the way he scratches himself, the way he fawns over women, miming a heart beating out of his shirt—there is a whole subtext of crudity and irreverence to the Phanatic that makes him charming.
Like the Pixar films, parents and kids can laugh at him, but often for different reasons.
So I’ll rest my case there. If you want to bid Penurious Inc adieu, be my guest. Hell, I’ll lead them to the helicopter pads on top of their mansions myself. But leave the Phanatic alone. He’s one of us now. He stays.