Girl Disputes Claim That Her Name is Tits McGurgen
By Jock | April 25, 2008
Category: Newswire (Fake News)
PHILLYJOCK NEWS - A local high school girl, Tits McGurgen, caused a stir yesterday when she lashed out against several members of the football team, including the star quarterback, who’d simply asked to borrow a pencil in biology class.
“Hey, Tits McGurgen,” he reportedly said. “Let me borrow a pencil.”
“My name is not Tits McGurgen,” replied Tits McGurgen. “My name is Amy Sanders. Not Tits McGurgen. If one more person calls me Tits McGurgen, I’m going to lose my fucking mind.”
“OK, Tits McGurgan,” he replied. “I’m sorry. We’re all sorry, Tits McGurgan.”
After class they followed her down the hallway echoing, “McGurgen…McGurgen…McGurgen,” like frogs.
McGurgen’s married sister, Hooters McGee, said it was a phase all McGurgens have to go through, sooner or later.
“You know, there’s a point you reach where you come to accept it,” said McGee, 26, unable to exit her own car since the mid-80s.
McGurgen’s best friend, Sarah Honger-Dick, said she faced similar criticism when he parents decided to re-marry. She had little sympathy for McGurgen.
“She needs to get over it,” Honger-Dick said. “So your name is Tits McGurgen? Big effing deal. Quit crying like a little girl and get some real problems.”