Dr. Chet Stephens: Casual Scoring
By Jock | April 27, 2008
Category: Dr. Chet Stephens
Dear Chet:
My girlfriend is a newcomer to the game of golf. I want to ease her into it without turning her off right away. I’m thinking that if this relationship works out, it would be great to have a lifelong companion on the golf course. So any suggestions?
Jake, Plymouth
Dear Jake:
I just spent the past 45 minutes trying to decide which psychiatric hospital to refer you to. A golf course is a place you go to GET AWAY from your wife or girlfriend, not the other way around! Why you would ever attempt to clutter up such a sacred place as a golf course with a bunch of inane chatter and pink tees is beyond me. You should really think about dropping the whole idea before reading the rest of this column.
With that said, if you insist—and again, I would encourage her to take up Base Jumping, like I did with my third wife (parachute optional)—then there is one way to make it easy on yourself.
I would institute what has been called by many hackers as “casual scoring.” This means that your girlfriend can play a round with you but doesn’t have to really keep score. She can pick up when she feels like it with no penalty and no pressure. This way, she’ll get to slowly improve without holding you up while she tallies if she had a 27 on the last hole or 28 and asks you if her visor looks cute. (P.S.: This is what you have to look forward to.)
Looking at it another way, casual scoring in golf is a lot like casual scoring in a fraternity house: you mess around for a while, and it’s kind of fun, then you glance down afterward and you’re not sure exactly what you’ve got.
So if that is what you want, go for it.
But consider yourself warned.
Dr. Chet Stephens was formerly America’s #1 Incarcerated Advice Columnist. Last Spring, he was released from prison, after serving 3 years for tax evasion. He has agreed to “occasionally” continue his award-winning, misogynistic advice column Replace Your Divots: Dr. Chet Stephens’ Thoughts on Love, Life & the Game of Golf. Chet is a 37 handicap.