Despite Injury, Lieber Still Pumped for Dollar Dog Night
By Jock | April 27, 2008
Category: Newswire (Fake News)
Fair or unfair, since the departure of Lenny Dykstra, John Kruk, Darren Daulton, and the so-called “Macho Row” of the early ‘90s, the Philadelphia Phillies have been branded with the label “gutless.” They have been accused by some of being “robots” with “zero passion for the game.”
However, at least one Phillie—pitcher Jon Lieber—is doing his best to change that perception, especially when his favorite part of the schedule rolls around.
“I fucking love Dollar Dog Night,” Lieber said, after being informed of the promotion. “I can’t tell you how pumped I am for this and I’m not even on the active roster. Bring it on, Hatfield meats. Bring it the fuck on!”
Lieber then limped through the clubhouse, knocking over coolers.
“Oh boy,” said left fielder Pat Burrell, who was stretching nearby. “It must be Dollar Dog Night again. Last time, he scarfed down fifteen or twenty of them in about six minutes and spent the rest of the game throwing up in the bullpen. It still stinks out there.”
After he calmed down, Lieber said he planned to arrive at the ballpark 10-15 hours early to avoid the long lines on the concourse. He said that when healthy he likes to keep two or three in his glove so that should his pitch count get up in the forties or fifties, he can call the catcher out and pretend to be discussing strategy.
“But really I’m eating hotdogs,” he said, winking.
Now that he’s injured, he can have all the dogs his heart desires.
“Call Jon Lieber what you will,” Burrell said. “But he’s not gutless.”