LOSS: Showboating
By Jock | August 28, 2008
For every receiver who’s ever popped up and celebrated a 4-yard gain…
For every basketball player who’s ever danced when down by 30…
For every ‘roided up hitter, flipping a bat…
For Usain Bolt…
For Leon Lett…
For all you cocky bastards…
This video says it all.
Topics: Win/Lose/Draw | 2 Comments »
How-to: Make Yourself Look Awesome Hosting the Olympics
By MacGyver | August 27, 2008
Oh China, you silly communist bastard… I can’t even count the times that you’ve captured me and I’ve escaped; how many times you’ve shot at me and missed; how many times I’ve fellated your women and got away with it (yea, that’s right…Mac’s got the yellow fever); and how many times I stole your secrets and brought them back to the states. But what did you do to save face when I brought your most precious military secrets back to the U.S. on a raft made of milk jugs and chopsticks? You killed a general and told the country he was a spy. Classic China…you never fail to impress.
And that is why I was so delighted to watch you host the Summer Olympic games for the past two weeks. I mean, you never stop out-doing yourself, and that’s what I love about you. You knew that there was no way that the world would perceive you as docile without a little wizardry, and I’ll be damned if you didn’t deliver. Read the rest of this entry »
Topics: MacGyver | 4 Comments »
A Review of the Movie Where Scarlett and Penelope Bang (Why Have You Not Heard About it?)
By Matt Nathanson | August 27, 2008
This movie has threesomes!
In Vicky Cristina Barcelona the titular city itself shines with that golden, post-coital glow of lovers side-by-side (by side). Although Penelope Cruz comes close, the city itself serves– as the Big Apple serves to almost every other Woody Allen film – as the real character here. Vibrant, pulsing with life and smart-cars through its veins, bathed in light and nacreous municipal artwork, Barcelona is (or is made to be?) a place where bicycle rides to pick fresh blackberries and long, never-sweaty sessions of “sensitive” bisexual love is just sort of all in a days work. It is a fantasy lover, the city is – attractive from every angle, full of possibilities that you can’t get at home. If you are a Europhile, or even someone who like me has a mild, occasionally stirred interest but not much experience, the movie is worth a glimpse.
Topics: The Wasteland | 1 Comment »
Leftover Chinese: Images from the 2008 Olympics
By Jock | August 25, 2008
Ah, memories.
Like hundreds of millions of sports fans around the world, no doubt you woke up in your bed this morning, rolled over, and found that the 2008 Olympics had already gone. No fortune cookie left on the pillow, no lotus blossom on the table—nothing.
Oh well.
And so as you mope around today, hunched over, your Michael Phelps Boner at half mast (sorry, there’s really no excuse for me not posting an article titled “Government Issues Michael Phelps Boner Warning Level” with a modified version of this image, and updating it every day), try to tell yourself that it’s going to be okay. Another pennant race is upon us, and it’s nearly football season. Still, to ease your transition back into parochial sports fandom, here are some lasting images from the Beijing Games.
(Note: Photos courtesy of Poor Li Hung. We hoped to have more text from him, but on Day 4 he was arrested and sent to a labor camp.
Fan mail may be forwarded to him at the following address:
Hung, Poor Li
Prisoner #0949484786732374
Beijing Bellagio, China.)
Chinese player hoping Kerri Walsh keeps her room key in her back pocket.
Topics: National/Int'l News | 2 Comments »
Picture of the Day: Young Michael Phelps
By Jock | August 21, 2008
PhillyJock.com was able to obtain this exclusive image of Michael Phelps; seems he’s always been ahead of the pack. Captions anyone?
via Patrick Moberg
Topics: Other News | 2 Comments »
Bela Karolyi’s Head Explodes on National TV Again
By Jock | August 19, 2008
Topics: Newswire (Fake News) | No Comments »
I’m a Creep, You’re a Creep, We’re All Watching NBC
By Jock | August 15, 2008
It’s 1 AM and you’re beginning to fear that Federal Agents are going to crash through your window.
Straight ahead, cheering drones from your tv; the room is illuminated metallic blue. You jump up, eyes fixed on the golf bag in the corner. You step back, slowly—tip-toeing almost—and extract a club. Now your fists tighten; your knuckles whiten; your toes claw the carpet; hot blood pumps through your ears. Bring it on, bitch. You stand for five minutes, heart racing, and then you hear it, a click…
The front door. Your roommate walks in. He looks at you: standing in your boxers, in the middle of the living room floor, ready to swing a 9-iron like Ty Cobb, and says: “Dude…what the fuck are you doing?!?!?!?”
*
Said dramatic sequence did NOT happen to me last night. But I was feeling mildly uncomfortable at 1 AM (and I do keep my golf bag in the living room, by the way). A friend walked in and I was sitting on the couch, watching the Olympics on NBC. He didn’t think there was anything strange about it. He sat down next to me.
“You shoulda seen the bar,” he said. “At one point the bartender looked around and goes, ‘This is a first. We got three TVs going: one showin’ the Eagles, one showin’ the Phillies…and fifty dudes watchin’ women’s gymnastics!”
Topics: Other News | 7 Comments »
Poor Li Hung: Pics and Notes from the Orympic Virrage, and more!
By Poor Li Hung | August 15, 2008
As I sit in an internet cafe that rivals the international trading floor at Morgan Stanley, I have been checking up on the coverage everyone back in the U.S. has been receiving. Is the media trying to make you hate Michael Phelps by cramming his name so far down your throat that you can taste the chlorine, or are they really trying to turn him into the most celebrated Olympian in history? Everyone knows he hasn’t slipped up during his quest for eight golds in one Olympics (6 for 6), but what about the other Americans who have secured the gold for their country? What about the other athletes who’s backgrounds are more interesting, sports more obscure, and opportunities for endorsements pigeon-holed like Macaulay Culkin’s movie career? Here is a look at some of the people who brought home the gold… even if only 29 people from their hometowns know about it:
Read the rest of this entry »
Topics: National/Int'l News, Special Features | 1 Comment »
Olympic Flashback: The Greatest Swim in [West African] History
By Jock | August 12, 2008
Since Visa has been running their favorite Olympic moments, narrated by Morgan Freeman, I thought I’d run my favorite moment from the 2000 games in Sydney, narrated by two random Ozzies. In this clip, swimmer Eric Moussambani attempts to break the Equatorial Guinean record in the 100m freestyle. His were the only dry eyes in the building that day, and only because he was wearing goggles. Enjoy.
Topics: National/Int'l News | 1 Comment »
Inside the 2008 Beijing Olympics: Secret Footage!
By Poor Li Hung | August 11, 2008
Poor Li Hung is our senior Olympic correspondent in Beijing. Whenever possible, he will file ultra-secret reports from internet cafes in China so that we in the west will know what’s really happening over there - not the choreographed version delivered by NBC and the repressive Chinese government. He’s invented a program to subvert the Great FireWall; however, it has a few glitches, and we will try our best to transcribe his reports.
Live from China, August 11 2008, 11: 05 PM
Herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrro, America!
Poor li Hung here, live from an internet café in in 珠江三角洲! Hold on, I will take a picture with my webcam! Did it work? Yes, there I am! I am the Asian guy at the computer! See me?
hahahahahah! Lol! Lol!
Topics: Special Features | 3 Comments »
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